Fear

So... "Your fear betrays you." - if you're playing Diablo III, you're probably familiar with that sentence, but you most likely never really thought about it. Neither did I, until yesterday, when suddenly something that I thought would be great suddenly turned into something that I am afraid of. It's something I was, still am looking forward to, something that a lot of people are craving for, and I got the opportunity, but... my fear betrays me.

It makes you question whether or not you may have even more fears, fears you didn't even know one could have, fear of things you like, you want, maybe even crave. Am I really afraid, or is it just an "internal hoax" and my brain is trying to trick me again? In the end, even fake fears have to be faced and destroyed, and having good assistance with facing them is always a plus.

Don't let your fears betray you, take charge and crush them, do what you never thought you could even do, and eventually, the fear's betrayal will vanish. At least that's what I hope.

Wrong

So... I think something may be seriously wrong with me. I can't take up even the most simplest level of responsibility, I don't listen to good advice given by basically anyone, I can't keep my mouth shut about stuff that should definitely not be said. And... I don't know how to change that... it's somehow coded to me I guess, unchangeable. But... who determines what is wrong and what isn't? Because sometimes, it might be good to not follow advice, to not keep your mouth shut about certain things. But when? Is it just human to be wrong, is it part of the whole package although we all try to avoid it as best as we can? Maybe it's good to be wrong sometimes. Because maybe you're wrong about it being wrong. Maybe it's right after all. But at this point, I don't know anymore.

I'm good at Stuff! Maybe.

So... an election that could have an impact "on not just Austria, but Europe, maybe even the world" is what I heard yesterday on the news, because it might "shift the political left-right thinking completely". And indeed, the chances of it causing a major impact are huge, because if the Nazi wins, inner-politcal things are gonna be... very funny. Five hours are left until the first results come on, oh well, that's all political bullshit for today. Errrm, stuff happened. Stuff that, looking on them now, is very fortunate on many levels, stuff that at first maybe looked a bit shady, but now are very great. Can't really get into details, but yeah, all good.

Having Philosophy in school now makes me think about certain things even more than normal, like the meaning of life and stuff. Why are we actually here? How is it even possible that all of this works, that everything we see and feel looks like and feels like it does? Are we really just existing because about a quadrillion things randomly happened? It's weird, especially since it also contains a tiny bit of religion. I'm not a religious person, especially not in form of churches (since they, according to their "rulebook", I should be stoned, hanged, drawn, quartered, whatever), but there could be still some higher power, maybe? Urgh, too much to think about...

Noticed that I'm extremely good with postponing stuff I really actually should do... Driving License, creating a CV, getting some kind of a job, prescientifical paper for school, general homework, even like the most basic homework... I'm just being terrible at pretty much anything regarding life, but I plan on changing. Soon. ...see? I am really good at it. But yeah, oh well, everything will come back at me at some point and hit me right in my face multiple thousand times... urgh... Good that other things are as good as they are :)

It literally can't get more Random

So... I managed to sleep from 6PM until 3AM yesterday, which was absolutely weird and made totally no sense. Some stuff is really tiring me, especially at school... Maybe it also kinda relates to the fact that I usually on weekdays only sleep aroung 5 to 6 hours, which is definitely not a very healthy situation, but timezones, and boyfriends, and other stuff and things that need to be done (speaking of which, I should probably get started on my homework... ehh, checking timetable for tomorrow... yup, I can't do it in school. Crap.).

Apparently, I'll also get some actual notesheet work tomorrow, adding some depth to a Demons (Imagine Dragons) arrangement for accordion from someone else because he can't do it. From what I've heard, he has done it pretty well (which mostly comes from the fact that he can actually play it). I'm actually not that bad at arranging stuff, already made a very successful Game of Thrones arrangement (which may actually get me some real money, kinda surprised me a lot when it came up), and I have like thousand ideas for others (got a semi-finished "Sky Tower" (Pkmn Mystery Dungeon), started a "Route Medley" from the Pokémon Series, "The Hanging Tree" was suggested in our group so I made a quick sketch-up (really messing up the chords though), and sooo much more...). Accordion is onre of those things I picked up at some point and just never stopped enjoying. But I'll have to as soon as I move to Vienna...

I keep making progress on that weird Anno Online game, and it really makes me want to play Anno 1404 again, because in there, you can actually make progress without having to wait hours or having to buy additional stuff with real money. Actually, I also got the Venice Add-On, which I never really used. I keep using my money on weird stuff, like two days ago, when I decided I needed a pen for my tablet. Handwriting detection is actually extremely advanced (well, either that, or I have very good handwriting), and since I also decided to change up my whole school organisation to tablet-only, it's gonna help me a lot (and contradicts with the saying from teachers that you forget handwriting when using keyboards and such. Hah, suckaaas!).

Got my tablet for a week now, and I have to say: it really makes a lot of things so much easier. Watching videos, having documents, writing things down, it's so much fun even. Ehm, and just to prevent people from saying I'm (already) being paid for ads, I'm not gonna say which one I got. If you really wanna know, contact me somewhere, you half person actually reading this. But I have to say, this is quite fun, just writing random stuff that nooone will probably ever read. Or maybe people will some day and say "These are some relics from the early days of his' life". Dream big, even if it's most likely just keep being a dream.

Maybe

So... Today was a pretty uneventful day, just school for about three quarters of it. Basic HTML, yay, totally worth it, except it wasn't since I already knew most of this stuff. But ah well, there's stuff you have to go through over and over again in life, just to be told you're not good at it in the end. One of the many circles on life.

Maybe not everything is as nice as I thought it is, maybe my world is about to collapse in itself. Maybe I dodged the collapse multiple times already, who knows? Not everyone can be the one guy who lives happily ever after, and a year ago, I'd never have even dreamt of being that particular guy. I tend to make things more difficult than they already are, tend to say things I shouldn't, but this didn't do any damage. Not yet at least.

In the end, we just have to wait for our "destiny", if there even is one. Nobody knows how my life will be in a year from now, maybe it will be completely different, maybe it will be exactly how things loom like at this moment. Maybe everything will be fine, maybe I'll be sitting again here in front of my keyboard, writing about the things I've done wrong in thr last 12 months... Maybe... such a strong word, a word that can influence us in so many ways, while it actually shouldn't...

Competitive Gaming

So... Today, after I woke up, I took a look on Twitter like always, and saw someone who said (something like) "Why do my teammates on Splatoon always suck", which brings me to today's rant: Cometitive Gaming, especially PvP-based. I haven't played a lot of them, but you don't get around seeing other people playing them. For a while, I was a bit into Heroes of the Storm, and before that, I did a tiny bit of League, and to be honest, I was lucky for the most part. But communities based around PvP-competitive games, especially League, are toxic. Toxic as fuck. Just making one tiny mistake, actually, just making one thing someone doesn't approve of, doesn't matter if right or wrong, will in many cases end with major insults.

Just like in war, person vs. person is apparently a very emotional thing for many human beings, everyone has to proove he or she is the best at something, or at least better than someone else, which is reasonable, but... this brings out the worst in people, a bad side to a potentially good person suddenly being aggressive towards other people because of a game. That is not how it should work, not at all.

Your fellow players are also just human, and humen just make mistakes, there is absolutely no reason to insult them just because they don't behave the way you want them to. Because some of those people actually care, actually take those insults seriously (although yeah, maybe they shouldn't, but that is not the point). Winning a competitve game isn't everything, and in the end, it is just a game. Give constructive feedback, tell me what they're, according to your sight, doing wrong in a friendly way, and everyone will be happy. Maybe.

Someone would call this consistency!

So... second day, eh? This is more routine than I ever had my entire life. But I'm definitely getting the hang of it, of writing some random text about random topics every day, topics that just come randomly to my mind... like yesterday, when I planned to include a crash course into Austrian politics, which just sounded so horrible and boring. I'll give you that in September 2018 when we're having our next election. What's my plan until then? Well, I honestly wish I could have a good answer to this... I'm going to do the obligatory community service after I finished school, which should happen somewhen in June, then I honestly don't know what my path will be... will the path take me to England and potentially closer to my SO, or maybe somewhere else entirely? I really wish I could have some answers earlier than two seconds before I need them... But that is how life goes, right?

Had a bit of a down moment yesterday, and I honestly can't explain why... everything was just like always, and still I couldn't help but feel a tiny bit sad and miserable. Just happens sometimes, it's really not good, and those are usually moments I say something to a certain someone that I will regret later, something that will cause loads of trouble. And yes, I had that multiple times before, and it usually ended in a short conclusion of his on Twitter, and me apologizing around 2 billion times. Fun times, except they weren't. But I learnt, and now, I'm not saying anything wrong anymore in situations like these. At least that is what I think.

Everything just still feels so surreal to me, time is passing by so quick, and soon, I'll be confronted with the world out there. Time to enjoy these last months of freedom then I guess, huh? Hm, maybe, but I should also try to take more responsibilities too...

I've been playing Anno Online lately, and wow, that is really a pay-to-win game... but I quite enjoy getting back to Anno, because I really only got to play 1404 and 2070 (not gonna get 2205, because I'm pretty much broke at the moment). Also watched the second episode of season 2 of How to get away with Murder today, and Jesus, it's not gonna get any less confusing, eh? If you're looking for something to watch, watch it, it's amazing, and Viola Davis really deserved the Emmy for that role!

Oh yeah, one thing: I actively request you to point out any grammar or spelling issues, I'm trying to get better at this generally superior language, because like me, German sucks balls. Right, that's me for today, if you have any comments, feel free to put them down! :)

Octoberus Secundus

So... blogging. I've not done this before, but apparently, it's going to be part of our English finals last year. Either that, or an opinion essay, or both actually. I'll have to admit, it is quite pleasing for some reason. Just typing like this gives me a weird satisfaction... but enough talking about my preferences, hello you random user! I'm actually adressing that one person that is actually going to read this, because let's be honest: I suck dick.

Well, I'm Galaxy_2Alex, a sufficient amount of years old, and currently stuff is running great for some strange reason. I've never had things running this smooth ever in my whole life. In school I'm doing good-ish, I have the greatest boyfriend you could ever want (oh yeah, I'm from the other side, of if you feel offended, I point you on that little button on the top-right with the "X" on it!) and I'm going to actually meet him soon too. There is some stuff that doesn't run that well, but that's stuff for other entries.

You'll hear me talk about very random stuff, and maybe stuff will get controversial. If you can't handle my thoughts, I, again, redirect you to the button on the top-right, however, if you actually got reasonable arguments against my point of view, feel free to object. I can't be right with everything, my view of this world is very small and very limited. But yeah, don't feel offended by anything.

I'll leave it with that for today, and start whatever I'm doing tomorrow. Be excited I guess.